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Ahhhh...i can finally feel relieved..NOT. I still feel burdened and lost, with such grades and work. I want to return to school. Beyond any doubt, the pressure we faced in school is nothing as compared to work. Yes, there are incentives to continue working when i see my bank balance increasing, but behind all that, is hard work and weary smiles. When i am tired of studying, my teacher can give me encouragement, my friends can give me comfort. When i am tired of working, my boss...encourage me? :/:/ Everyday, i step in fearing i would do something wrong and they would tell me to pack and get lost. Everyday, i fear that i would be implicated and get involved in the politics that exist within the room. I cannot say no...i cannot bargain...i cannot ask for help because it won't be much of a help either. Got to be gracious and accept, thinking that they entrust you with the task because they have faith in you. Hmmm, deep down, is it more like dumping them?
I am totally enjoying holidays, just doing nothing and lazing around at home. I need this time, just Melissa and oxygen.
I learn to get frustrated and irritated with really minor things, i nag a lot, the syndromes that Mr Lee mentioned, its showing, its showingggggggggg! noooooooo

Another few weeks went by just like that, it just feels like i am moving at a rapid pace or is it everything around me instead? I hope everything pause or rewind, i really don't want to take it back! Somehow, i'm preparing to bid farewell, so i needed some memories. My blood pressure has raised, i frowned A LOT and tears of anger were mediocre. Nevertheless, i had a good time, knowing great people, understanding the politics in working life, and most importantly, i am assured that i am going into such line. Thank you for everything Westwood family.
Chinese New Year 2010 was quite disappointing, many adults pretend to sing some praises so they can shun off the topic about red packets. As usual, 'who's that girl over there, i almost cannot remember, you've grown so big and beautiful'. (Underlying meaning: big girls don't need red packet alrd) Ah well, then as usual again, parents go oversea, leaving sis and i home by ourselves. As usual, shaun, jacklyn and gang come over to stay. I am seriously not someone who can stay through the night, and for the past years, i'm always the first to sleep:( Next yr i will try harder to be the last man standing!
Went to Ms Chen's place, and their strong relationship to share and learn, showing love through distinctive acts of appreciation, concern and care make me realize that maintaining a relationship takes effort and its much more than just 'i love you'. We all got to consider various factors before saying 'lets be together'. Its not so easy but i'm so glad that the both teachers who made the greatest impact on my life are blissfully married.:)


Had a long day at work today, then rushed off to steamboat 1, and then steamboat 2. Had a good chat, good laugh, good game with my old friends! Can't wait for iceskating+kachang!

Howdy-do!



I am soooo tired. Camp was a blast, other than scoldings here and there, i had a whole new experience being in another position. Slightly more privileged because i was able to escape the milo pond, drink coffee, sleep in aircon room, had a bed, eat chocolates, ran about and kayak with different classes, use the phone, not sleep early, and most importantly, i won't have to squeeze and fight for a place in the toilet. I think i am privileged afterall. Jaryl, Redzuan, Noh and i were more active probably because we had a smaller age gap and somehow, i thought of my sec three camp too. Like a student, i was great friends with the students, which was so weird. Like a RT, i was always entertained and braced up by the other RTs, they make my day. With such a bond established, there were several moments when i felt doleful abruptly. How am i going to face what will happen probably next month? It is harder to part.
Tomorrow is a new challenge, to face it, i need courage! ............... Hope i have it tomorrow.

With so many things going on..sometimes i feel like i'm falling deeper when it shouldn't even happen in the first place. Thirteen days ago was a like a chimera. Caught in an awkward spot, i am unaware of my vicinity. It should have a clear ending or we foresee tragedy. Without moirai, sometimes, why don't we halt. Hmm...I need to hold back the hopeless faith.

TWO ZERO ONE ZERO







I tend to draft and not post because i get bored after typing for awhile.
Should i just relax and enjoy life as i expect my impending doom? Life has been quite tough when it should not have been. I've got stuff in front of me and yet at the back of my head, i haven't forget you even after many had went on enjoying their lives, tossing you behind. You are so irritating especially when people starts asking me about you! I feel like saying march then see how, but still..got to think about what's next, deep inside, its extremely vexing, how will mummy, daddy feel? I'm such a disappointment.
As i continued working, i saw many different kinds of people and things that i did not even notice when i was there years ago. It made me realize, understand how ignorant i was. Its time to salvage but there is just this much i can do. On the other hand, my negligence on my real life makes me confused and unable to think of what i should do to bring back the times and moments. I've got limited time now!
January was horribly packed and i hardly had a moment to really rest and have a blank mind. My to-do list was really filled up with things i HAVE TO do before As end. But right after it ended, i'm lost and i have barely accomplished any of them. Motivated with guitar and after a few weeks, i left it to collect dust in the room. Motivated to snorkel, then where's the plan? Motivated to do volunteer work, then i did not take a next step out! Motivated to visit chen su lan children home, then never call back? Motivated to lose weight, then totally heck it now? ETC! Next year, we must stick to our promise and climb mount kinabalu!
Okay at least i went pulau ubin, like finally and passed my taekwondo grading, i think black belt must wait alrd, but i seriously want to take on japanese language, tamil also. How?!
My temper could get worse if this goes on..please be fiercer, they would say, but ms chen say if i continue working long enough, i would change. Sometimes, it gets so infuriating i dread entering the classes. Thank god there are nice angels present who are able to get rid of the desolation. In school, Ivy, Natalie, Meiqi, Nicolette, Khai Ling etc give constant encouragement. Prawnball, yanyu, jingxuan, youyang, kengyee,yongliang bring me laughter. Kerry, weibin and liphwee too!
Outside school, winifred, kaihui, rachel, daphne, shaun will talk to me and listen to me. There is one friend whom i often have his image on my mind yet i couldn't send my regards to him, py, i hope you are getting better and happier, our pay will be on 25 feb, wth.
At least..i get to see them grow, it has been 3 years.

How are you all?
I miss you!Thanks for everything lovelies!

She is worn out. After 2 weeks of traveling to and fro and meddling with additional workload of the household chores during the period of mid years, she doubts her own ability to fulfill what she has to do for this final year. Subsequently, such routine will persist. At times, she felt like giving up and she did, to her mid years because her time was spent on her mum, her brother, sister and family, to the extent that she just disappears to go home straightaway. She knows that she got to be strong and show a positive front to her mother because it aches to see her being worried as well. It is a year for her to be double stressful because one is taking A-level and one is taking O-level. She can never sit down peacefully to study or do anything because she will be needed to help out with something in the next moment. It is such a crucial period and the one above wants her to experience this during this time. She will still work for it but if it turns out to be deficient, it is probably destined. The only reason for her to appear enthusiastic and joyful is her mates who understands her plight. Yet, she is conscience-stricken and extremely apologetic for not being able to remember significant events for the peers she treasures. She has to commit in so many things and it is not possible at all. Not possible...she's just Melissa.


Ahhhh, on a positive side, I'm learning how to be a mother of 11 children.
All these will be over and Mummy will get well!

MIA-ED for a long time :/

I'm cynical, bothered, fretful, aimless, troubled, don't know what i'm doing. I'm looooooosssssssstttttt.